


Wake Me Up

by AllTheseLittleWritings



Series: Moments Passing In Front Of Me [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Death, Family, Fluff, Funeral, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Memories, Sad, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-15
Updated: 2015-11-15
Packaged: 2018-05-01 18:58:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5217032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTheseLittleWritings/pseuds/AllTheseLittleWritings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <cite>The holiday was filled with laughter and getting to know each other and everyone had enjoyed their time together. Harry had given Louis a camera, so they could record their relationship. </cite>
</p><p>“You are so beautiful in these lights.” Harry whispers, making Louis detach his lips from his cheek. </p><p> <cite>“I’m not beautiful in any other lighting?” Louis pulls his brows together in the tape. </cite></p><p> <cite>“You know, you’re the most beautiful in every light.” Harry smiles and licks his lips. </cite><br/>-<br/>An AU, where Louis and Harry live life to the fullest. Until their lives change dramatically.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Wake Me Up

“You are never going to catch me!” Harry yells from the top of the stairs. Louis runs the steps up, his breath out of control. His lips are stretched in to a wide smile as his eyes follow Harry’s feet. He sees only his heels as Harry starts running again. 

“If you think I’m not going to catch you, you are wrong!” Louis yells after him. Harry’s laughter fills the air, like it were a flock of birds bursting to flight. Louis stumbles upstairs, his hand searching for help from the railing. He stops, listening where Harry would be. 

Louis walks with tentative steps in to the bedroom, finding the bed made, everything in order. The closet door is slightly ajar. 

 

“Come out come out where ever you are.” Louis sing songs, getting closer to the closet. He can hear Harry’s breathing which he is clearly trying to control. Louis presses his hand against the door handle, pulling it open. Harry’s giggles and bright eyes sweep over him like Harry would be that sixteen year old, when they met in school. Like the wind would blow through his curls, like Louis would meet him for the first time. Louis smiles at him, reaching his hands towards Harry. 

“What did I say, I’m going to catch you.” Louis mumbles, the words laced with his smile. 

“Who told you I’d give up?” Harry’s wide eyes sparkle, the muscles in his legs and feet tightening. He lets out a laugh, before he launches himself at Louis. He catches Louis in his arms, lifting him up and kissing his lips with raucousness. Louis’ legs tangle on to Harry’s hips, his giggles suppressed by Harry’s lips. 

 

Harry carries Louis on to the bed, the bed covers crinkling under their bodies. Harry gives him kisses all over his face, his hands traveling to Louis’ legs. He massages his thighs, slowly easing his way out from Louis’ strong grip. 

“Heeey, come back!” Louis whines to Harry’s face, to his body, which is backing away with slow steps. 

“Like I said, who told you I’d give up?” Harry smirks, his body suddenly turning around. His feet are silent against the wooden floor, like he would be flying. His light blue shirt is light against his body, his black briefs like short shorts on him. 

 

Louis gives out a giggle, his legs tingling. He scrambles up from the bed and after Harry. He rounds the corner from the bedroom, just to see Harry’s curls flying as he steadies himself against the railing. His feet slide against the floor, ready to run down the stairs. 

Harry laughs as he sees Louis after him, his dimples popped. Louis is catching him, running with his bare feet. Harry’s feet are slippery on the stairs, his hand tightly holding on to the handrail. His laughter is contagious, light, making him so much younger. 

He looks up to Louis, seeing him just a couple of steps away. He giggles, his voice high. It’s impossible to even think he could make such a sound, like he was just a young boy. Harry’s eyes flash with the bright green, his foot sliding from under him, his hand losing its balance. 

 

First he laughs, then he’s silent. Harry stumbles down the stairs, his hand trying to grab the railing, but his fingers can’t find the contact. His knee gives in, making him fall down. Louis’ feet stop, his face pulling from joy to horror. He doesn’t know what he should do as he watches Harry roll down the stairs with loud thuds. 

“Harry!” Louis shrieks, his body coming to life. His heart pumps too fast, the blood in Louis’ head making him see stars. He runs after Harry, kneeling next to him as he steps down the last step. 

 

“Harry, Harry, Harry…” Louis pants. His eyes see Harry’s slack face, his lifeless body. Harry’s eyes are closed, but he is still clearly breathing. 

“Harry, please open your eyes. Harry please wake up.” Louis smooths his palms against Harry’s cheeks, seeing his fingers shaking. 

“Please Harry, please open your eyes.” He prays, his voice only a whisper. His eyes start to water, the drops landing on Harry’s face. Louis’ thumbs brush his cheeks, giving him the lightest of touches, trying to wake Harry up. 

 

With a groan Harry’s face comes to life, his feet moving. 

“Harry,” Louis breathes, his forehead coming to contact with Harry’s chest. 

“What happened?” Harry asks, his voice strained like someone would be choking him. 

“You fell in the stairs.” Louis gives light kisses to Harry’s cheeks, breathing against his face. Harry gives a light laugh, his hands coming to Louis’ thighs. 

 

“Maybe I shouldn’t have worn the socks.” He says, his eyes opening. Louis smiles as he looks in to the love of his life’s eyes. 

“Maybe you shouldn’t have.” Louis agrees. Harry’s hand lifts to wipe the tears away, his smile lazy like he would’ve woken up after a long nap. 

“We are never going to run in the stairs again.” Louis laughs, the urgent need to hug Harry taking over him. He buries his face in to Harry’s neck, keeping it there to breath in the familiar scent. 

 

“Does it hurt anywhere?” Louis asks, his lips against Harry’s shoulder. 

“No, no it doesn’t.” Harry confirms, making the weight in Louis’ chest drop. 

“Maybe we should still go and get you checked, so there is nothing wrong.” 

“No, I’m fine. Just help me up. I’m fine.” Harry hugs Louis softly, his hands flat against Louis’ back. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Yes, I just want a glass of water.” Louis detaches himself from Harry, nodding. He raises to his feet first, giving Harry a hand to get up from the floor. Harry moves slowly, his back lifting from the floor with nauseous noises. Like his bones would be popping apart. 

 

“Are you sure you are okay?” Louis asks, his hands holding Harry’s with tenderness.

“Yeah, I just want a glass of water.” He nods, slowly coming to his feet. He smiles bravely at Louis, giving a kiss to his nose. 

“You go first, I’ll just stretch a bit.” Harry smiles, letting go of Louis’ hand. 

“Okay.” Louis smiles back at him, making his way in to the kitchen. 

“Do you want anything else love?” Louis asks, hearing Harry give him a light no as an answer. 

 

Louis takes a glass from the cupboard, filling it with cold water. He watches the water pouring with bubbles, like it would be boiling. He hears the water running in the pipes, just quietly flowing in to the glass. 

“Louis?” Harry asks, his voice strange. Almost as if his tongue would be caught on to a frozen steel pipe. 

“Harry?” Louis turns around, seeing the wild curls and the green eyes in the kitchen doorway. Harry eyes Louis, his sight filling with tears. 

 

“Harry, what’s wrong?” Louis closes the tap, placing the glass on the table. He sees the green in Harry’s eyes fading, his cheeks turning pale, his brows crunching together. 

“Harry?” Louis tilts his head, taking a tentative step forward. Harry swallows before he falls on his knees, his body following behind. Louis is quickly by his side, just in time to take a hold of Harry’s upper body before it crashes on to the floor. 

 

“Harry, tell me where it hurts.” Louis orders, waiting for an answer but not getting one. 

“Harry, can you hear me?” Louis asks a little louder, Harry’s head resting on his legs. 

“Harry answer me!” Louis shouts, his fingers twisting in Harry’s curls. But he doesn’t get a word out from Harry. 

 

Louis looks around, trying to find something that could help. His heart hammers in his throat. He feels how Harry’s body relaxes against his own. 

With soft hands Louis lowers Harry on to the floor and runs in to the living room to get his phone. In to the living room where it all started. Where they were only watching a movie. Where Harry said “let’s do something” and had started to tickle Louis until they were chasing each other around the apartment. 

 

Louis sees his phone on the coffee table. His shaky hand picks it up, trying to type in the emergency number. He presses the phone on his ear, hearing a calm voice answering and asking what his emergency is. 

Louis tries to breathe, tries to be calm, tries to explain it all in detail. But his head turns blurry, like his own life would be flashing in front of his eyes. He walks to Harry, sits back next to him and takes Harry’s hand in to his own. It’s sweaty and cold. He hears how the person in the phone asks him questions, making Louis test if Harry is still breathing. And he is, he is still breathing. But only barely. 

He hears the person tell him to wait in the line while an ambulance is on its way. Louis has to wait, be still and keep an eye for Harry. Louis is made to test if Harry is still breathing, he is made to test his pulse that is slowing down the more time passes. 

He hangs up the line, when he hears the doorbell ring. He has to let go of Harry’s hand, he has to let go because he might be losing the love of his life. 

 

\- -

 

“There is nothing we can do at this point. The bleeding in his brain is inoperable.” The doctor tells Louis with darkness in her eyes. 

Louis is holding Harry’s hand, which is limp by his side. The machine keeping Harry alive beeps and hisses, when it brings air in to Harry’s lungs. It fills Harry’s chest with air and pulls it out of him. The tube taped to his mouth makes Harry look like plastic. Harry isn’t there anymore. 

After 47 hours, Harry isn’t there anymore. The bald spot on his head looks ridiculous under the white bandaging. His skin is lifeless, dull. He is only a cold shell, where air is pumped in to. 

 

“I know that this is a hard time, but have you thought about organ donation?” The doctor asks as discreetly as she can. The tears in Louis’ eyes, that he didn’t know they were containing, roll on to his cheeks. He picks Harry’s hand up, kissing his knuckles. 

“No, I haven’t because I keep wishing he would somehow miraculously wake up.” Louis’ voice is weak. He feels like the machine breathing for Harry is sucking air out of his own body, like Louis would be part of the machinery and the plastic. The doctor stays silent, standing by the door of the room. 

 

“I don’t want to let go.” Louis says, his eyes trying to find Harry from the shell of a body. 

“Even though I know he isn’t going to wake up anymore, I don’t want to let go.” His words fill the air, his sorrow polluting the air that Harry is being filled with. 

“I also know that he would do it, he would want to help others. He would give his organs away. He is a perfect donor. Was? Is?” Louis chokes on his own words, not knowing how to address Harry anymore. He isn’t here, but he is still somewhere. 

 

“I’m so sorry for your loss.” The doctor says quietly. Louis listens to the machines surrounding Harry. They try to keep Harry here by forcing his organs to work. 

“I guess I have to sign some papers?” Louis asks, the silence suppressing everything around him. 

“Yes, you’d need to sign some papers.” The doctor confirms, looking between Louis and Harry. 

She can feel the pain in the room, how much Louis would want to keep Harry around. How much Louis wishes it could somehow turn to good. In a dream Harry would open his eyes and wake up. But the doctor knows that the dream is not going to come true. 

 

“Can I have them?” Louis asks, leaning his head to Harry’s hand. The doctor nods and leaves Louis alone. 

Louis is empty. He is full of emptiness and darkness like he would be breathing water. Holding on to Harry’s hand is only a thread that doesn’t sew the clothing together. He knows that he has to let go. But he doesn’t want to. 

 

\- - 

 

Louis has the forms in his hands. The pages are filled with medical terms, with a list of what organs would be donated from Harry’s body. The pen shakes in Louis’ fingers as he is trying to be reasonable. Harry would donate everything. 

“You know me so well.” Louis hears. He looks at Harry, the tube still down his throat. 

His eyes don’t stay fixed on the shell, but they move to the spirit. Harry. He is standing there, next to his own body, just in front of Louis. He smiles sadly, looking okay, like he would still be alive. 

 

“Why are you leaving me?” Louis chokes, a weep sounding from his throat. 

“It was just time for me to go.” Harry tells him. The reflection of his soul never loses the warmth he always showed Louis. 

 

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“You never will. I’ll always be there with you, whether you’d be happy or sad. Whether you’d be feeling lonely or like you belong. I’m never going to leave you.” Harry takes the seat next to Louis’ chair. Louis is afraid to move, afraid to touch. He is afraid that Harry will just puff up in to the air and never come back. 

 

“You know me so well Louis.” Harry tilts his head to Louis’ way and smiles calmly. 

“I want to give away everything.” He says, his hand coming to rest on top of Louis’ arm. It feels real, like Harry would be holding Louis, like his fingers would be against Louis’ skin. 

 

“It asks about your eyes. I don’t..” Louis shakes his head, tears streaming down his face. 

“It also asks about my heart.” Harry remarks. 

“I don’t want to give them away.” Louis sobs, his words tangling together. 

“But I won’t be needing them anymore.” Harry moves his hand slowly against Louis’ arm. 

“What will happen to them? What will happen to your love? And your eyes.” Louis looks at Harry, his own eyes trying to dive in to the green. But he is faced with grey, the sparkle gone, the flirty glint nowhere to be seen. 

“Someone who needs them will get them. My love will always be with you. My heart will always be yours. You’ll always have memories. You’ll always have something where you will see my eyes. But I don’t need them anymore Louis.” Harry’s calm voice fills Louis up. Encouraged by those rational words, Louis fills the forms, signing them, closing the folder and looking back at the spirit. 

 

“I miss you. I miss your voice. I miss you here.” Louis cries, Harry looking at him with sympathy in his eyes. 

“You have me here.” Harry reaches his hand to touch Louis’ chest. It tingles, burns and fades. Louis closes his eyes, taking a deep breath. He knows that he is alone again, only the words in his mind. Only the memories in his eyes. 

 

\- -

 

It’s a weird feeling. Calling his, Harry’s, family, calling Louis’ family. Telling them that Harry is no more. Hearing how their hearts break, hearing how their lives shake and crack.  
The only thing Louis can think of while standing in front of his and Harry’s bed, is how he hasn’t been in this room after the chase. The last time Harry was here, he was hiding in the closet, wanting to be found. 

It was the last time Harry had carried Louis on their bed. What if Louis wouldn’t have let go, what if he would’ve kept Harry there in his clutch. Would Harry still be here if he wouldn’t have let go? 

The creases on the bedspread are still visible. The place where Louis laid. The spots where Harry’s knees were pressed in to the mattress. 

Louis calls their friends who answer with joy and enthusiasm. When they end the call, the people on the other end are sniffling. They are quiet, trying to grasp on to the thought that Harry is gone. 

 

\- -

 

Louis goes through photo albums. He looks at the pictures, the people in them unfamiliar. He knows who the people in them are, but they seem like shadows of something that once was. He recognizes himself, but he doesn’t know who that man is. He looks too different compared to the man Louis is now.

The photos don’t do justice to Harry. The glint in his eyes isn’t real. The dimples on his face are two dimensional. Louis can’t hear his laugh or his voice from the pieces of paper. 

 

It’s the sixth photo album that Louis opens. A white envelope slides from between the pages, the corner hitting the floor and making the square envelope fall flat against the carpet. Louis looks at it, picking it up slowly. He can feel a CD inside, the blank white paper not telling anything. 

People are going around the house, his and Harry’s families arranging the funeral. Louis can faintly see his sister sitting next to him, keeping her had against his back. He can’t even remember when she had sat next to him, if she has said anything to him. 

Louis looks at her, meeting her blue eyes. She tries to smile, but can’t. The voices of other family members come and go in waves. Louis can’t distinguish any words but he knows he’s surrounded by family. 

 

\- - 

 

Louis sits on his and Harry’s unmade bed, while Lottie puts the DVD on. She comes to sit next to him, taking Louis’ hand in to hers. The room is quiet, no lights are on, the others somewhere downstairs. Louis’ sister presses play from the remote, the TV screen coming to life. 

 

“Where are we?” Louis’ voice asks in the tape. 

“We are on our way to Brighton beach to go see the sun set.” Harry’s voice is full of life, his presence filling the room. Louis’ sister tightens her hold on Louis’ hand as they watch how Harry walks towards the beach. 

“And what else are we doing there?” 

“We are going to have a picnic and maybe do some kissing and..” Harry wiggles his brows to the camera. He smiles, laughs and his rumbling voice is whole and alive. 

 

The video cuts short, a new view coming on to the screen. 

Louis can’t remember where the video was shot, but it shows only a Christmas tree. It’s lit, the warm lights creating a halo around the branches. The camera turns around, showing a young Harry keeping his eyes closed while Louis has his young lips pressed against his cheek. 

Harry is only sixteen. The video takes Louis back in time, how they celebrated their first Christmas together. Louis had taken his family to Harry’s home. It was the first time all of them had met. 

 

The holiday was filled with laughter and getting to know each other and everyone had enjoyed their time together. Harry had given Louis a camera, so they could record their relationship. 

“You are so beautiful in these lights.” Harry whispers, making Louis detach his lips from his cheek. 

“I’m not beautiful in any other lighting?” Louis pulls his brows together in the tape. 

“You know, you’re the most beautiful in every light.” Harry smiles and licks his lips. 

Louis can see himself staring at Harry’s lips before he attacks Harry. He can hear Harry’s light laughter in the film, the camera dropping on to the floor. It’s still recording, the view fallen over. Harry’s bouncy curls are on the floor as Louis kisses him. He can see Harry smiling, the taste of his lips still lingering on Louis’ lips. He can see Harry’s hands taking Louis’ cheeks between his palms, his fingers tangling on Louis’ hair.

Louis can remember the Christmas so clearly, like it wouldn’t have happened such a long time ago. Like Harry would be in front of that Christmas tree, his eyes twinkling in the warm lights. He can still remember the soft jumper Harry was wearing. He can still remember how Harry had admitted that he wants to spend the rest of his life with Louis. And he was only sixteen. 

Just as the tears in Louis’ eyes are about to spill, the video cuts. 

 

The next thing on the screen are feet, which are tip toeing towards something. Louis can distinguish the familiar floor boards of his and Harry’s home. 

“It’s Valentine’s Day and I want to surprise you.” Harry’s hushed voice says from the speakers. The camera turns to his face, Louis recognizing the video to be just a few months old. His curls look soft, the green in his eyes bright. 

He holds the camera to his face, mouths words to the lens and smiles like he would be the sunrise. He directs the camera to Louis’ sleeping figure on the same bed where he is now sitting with his sister. 

Harry’s light giggles stream through the DVD, the sound aching in Louis’ chest. Harry crawls on to the bed, turning the camera back to himself. Harry is biting his lip, his cheeks sweetly tinted. He draws air in, his eyes towards the camera before he turns it to Louis again. 

 

“Wake up! Wake up!” Harry’s voice yells happily. 

“I want to give you a Valentine’s Day blowjob!” He says, Louis face flushing red just as he remembers the day. They didn’t leave the bed that day, time passed in each other’s arms. Louis’ sister hides her face in to Louis’ shoulder, her giggles joyful. 

 

The video stops on the screen. Louis can see Harry’s face. The image is blurry, but his eyes sparkle, his smile so prominent that Louis thinks he could feel the smooth skin of Harry’s cheeks. He can hear the echo of Harry’s laughter in his head, the giggles. 

Louis drapes his arm around his sister’s shoulder. They stay in the room, staring at Harry’s face on the TV screen. 

 

“Have you seen more of these DVD’s?” Lottie asks, her voice small. 

“No, I haven’t.” Louis rasps. 

“Maybe he has hidden them between other photo albums. You were together for so long that this can’t be the only DVD he has made.” 

“Eight years full of memories.” Louis says. 

Lottie’s arm snakes around Louis’ waist, her head pressed against his chest. He hugs her close, knowing that he has people around him who also have memories with Harry. Memories that he has no idea of. Like the time Harry had gone shopping with Lottie or to her first date to take care of her because Louis was busy with work. Louis is sure Harry told her things, that Louis has no idea of. 

When the time passes, Louis finds more DVD’s, like Lottie had suggested. They are between those photo albums, between his favorite books. They are tangled in shirts that Louis rarely uses. Almost a 100 DVD’s full of memories. Full of songs Harry sang. Full of Harry’s giggles. Full of Harry’s surprises to Louis. Full of tears after a fight they had had. Full of kisses in bed. Full of declarations of love Harry was brave enough to tape.

That’s what Harry has left Louis. 

 

\- -

 

Louis stands in the line that looks down in to the grave. The priest throws soil over the coffin, the metal plate with Harry’s name catching some of the dirt. Louis looks down in to the hole on the ground, trying to let go of the hand he is still holding in his dreams. ‘Always in our hearts’, Harry’s name and the days of his life carved on to the grave stone. 

Even though Louis has been without Harry for five days now, he still can’t comprehend the loss. He can’t understand how life can keep on going. How others don’t know about his loss. How they just keep on living without the feeling of loss and loneliness. 

Everyone should’ve known who Harry was, how amazing he was. They should know what Louis feels. They should be grieving too. But others will never know who Harry was. They will never grief. 

 

Lottie runs with light steps back to Louis’ side, taking his hand in to hers. He looks at her, Lottie giving him a small nod and a smile. Louis’ lips twitch upwards, like his smile would be broken. He can’t keep the smile on his face, the funeral, and the atmosphere of the funeral, pressing his shoulders down. 

The priest silences himself, giving a look to the attendees. 

 

“Ready?” Lottie whispers in to Louis’ ear. He nods, seeing her giving a sign to someone behind the hill that is on their right. 

A moment passes, before a loud pop and a whistling sound fills the air. Louis looks up to the sky, a firework going off in purple sparkles. Another firework explodes, followed by tens of different explosions and colors. Everyone have their eyes towards the sky, the fireworks taking control of their missing.

 

“This is what Harry would’ve liked.” Anne’s arms crawl around Louis’. Her head leans against his shoulder, her eyes towards the sky. 

“I know.” Louis breathes, the feeling of some sort of relief taking over his body. He knew he was taking a risk with the fireworks, but Harry was like a firework. 

He was lively, he was everything but a crowd wearing black gathered around a grave. He was flowers and colors and laughter and bubbliness and sparkle and songs and sun and the moon. He was everything. And he would’ve wanted fireworks. 

 

Louis looks around the grieving people, their sad smiles and the tears streaming from their eyes. But they all know that this is what Harry wanted. That this is only for Harry. 

Louis’ eyes travel to a figure standing by the trees, a few distances back from the crowd. He has his eyes towards the fireworks. Louis can see the glint in his eyes. In his green eyes. In Harry’s eyes. Harry tilts his head to Louis’ way, smiling and the warmth fills Louis. He will be here, even though he wouldn’t be here. 

Louis can hear Harry’s giggles in his head, his voice saying:  
“You know me so well.”

And Louis really does. He will know Harry still when he is on his own death bed. That is when Harry will come by his side and lead him to a new home. A home where he will be with Harry again. And where slippery socks will never rip lives apart.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Sorry for the sadness..  
> I blame Ed Sheeran and his songs [Wake me Up](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qC6peZfXdEI), [This](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P31A_SJWA8c) and [Kiss Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kFfKb_WEkCE)
> 
> You can come and say hi to me on tumblr: [sing-about-being-free](http://sing-about-being-free.tumblr.com/) or [alltheselittlewritings](http://alltheselittlewritings.tumblr.com/) or you can leave a comment here :)


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